Coming to terms with changes after stoma surgery

When frustration sets in

You may have felt relief following surgery, as it may have helped to alleviate any symptoms you had previously experienced as part of a chronic condition. 

But as you begin to return to daily life, feelings of confusion and frustration might start to emerge. While there's no universal solution for dealing with these feelings, there are certain things you can do to regain balance in your life. 

Take control

It is not uncommon to experience a loss of control over your situation. If that's the case you should take an active part in every decision concerning your stoma, from choosing your products to setting the boundaries for what you are and aren't ready for. This will give you a greater sense of control – and that will without a doubt make you feel stronger. 

You are still the same person

It is also quite natural to feel a certain sense of identity loss, as if somehow you became someone different after the surgery. 

With that in mind, it's important to continue to keep doing the same things you used to do and enjoy before where possible. Try not to be nostalgic about life before surgery, but to remind yourself of all the positive experiences you can still enjoy. 

Make a list of all the things you used to do and enjoy before, and make sure that you continue to do at least a few of these things each month. And remember: it is only your physical circumstances that have changed. Not who you are as a person.

Allow yourself time

A change, like having a stoma formed, can spark feelings of isolation. Many people will have some level of struggle coming to terms with their stoma. With time, the feeling of isolation will go away, but until it does, it is important that you allow yourself to grieve over the changes. This process is a natural way of coming to terms with the changes that have happened to your body, and is a positive and necessary part of the process. It is not something you need to suppress or fear. 

Of course, if you are experiencing extreme stress or a feeling of hopelessness, you must seek help immediately. Start with your family and friends. If you are unsure of what to do, call your doctor or stoma care nurse and let them know as honestly as possible how you feel. 

Will I be a burden?

A common worry for people with a stoma is that they will be a burden to everyone, leading some to keep their stoma secret. However, letting people who care about you in, and allowing them to help you, will likely make things much easier. 

Your friends and family are probably looking for ways to support you - so never feel bad about letting them, as they will want to be included. 

Will I ever be myself again? 

When you are going through the healing process, it is very normal to begin to wonder if you will ever come to terms with this new version of you. Try to allow yourself some mental rest by not putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. People adjust in different ways and at different speeds. There are things you cannot simply rush through or will into happening. 

The mind is a strong and beautiful thing, and it can heal in extraordinary ways if we let it. But just as the physical healing process after surgery took its time, so does the emotional healing. You will be yourself again – albeit a slightly different version, perhaps even stronger than before. 

If you feel you have waited a long time and are still struggling, do not shy away from seeking professional help. Your doctor or stoma nurse can no doubt help point you in the right direction.