How to talk about your stoma

How to prepare for conversation

Start by thinking what you want to get out of the conversation. Do you want to be able to talk openly with the other person or do you wish to show that nothing has really changed? 

This will help you address the feelings, needs or concerns in the particular situation instead of "just" talking about your stoma - and have a much better chance to avoid getting disappointed or feeling exposed. Another tip is to write the beginning of the conversation down. This may seem silly, but often it is only the beginning of a conversation that is actually difficult. So by knowing exactly what you want to start with, you make it easier to approach it. 

Have a positive attitude

How you act and how you say what you want to say will greatly influence the outcome of the conversation. So even though you may be nervous, take a deep breath and remain positive. Your listener will most likely copy this position and feel more relaxed. 

A bit of well-placed humour can also help ease any awkwardness for both you and those around you, as well, and helps you control the tone of the conversation. 

Put yourself in your listener's position and find common ground

Your listener most likely has not had the benefit of being prepared for the conversation. They may not know anything about life with a stoma, and may be concerned about how, or if, this will impact your relationship. 

Sometimes people struggle with the news, and may also need to take a moment to understand the changes. Especially if your stoma surgery had not been planned. They will need time to adjust, in the same way that you do. 

Talk together to understand the common worries you might have, and build on what you share to create an understanding. This is the best way to get a constructive, giving conversation.